Letting Go of Shitty Relationships

Some relationships are particularly pernicious. We often develop relationships out of convenience, without considering the traits necessary to build a successful bond with another person—important traits like unwavering support, shared trust, and loving encouragement. 

It’s easy to develop a connection with a co-worker, schoolmate, or someone who’s always there—even when they’re not adding any real value to our lives. It’s even easier to stay in those relationships: old relationships are comfortable, and starting new relationships is difficult. New relationships require work—but anything worth holding on to does. 

We’ve all held on to someone who didn’t deserve to be there, and most of us still have someone in our lives who continually drains us: Someone who doesn’t add value. Someone who isn’t supportive. Someone who takes and takes and takes without giving back. Someone who contributes very little, and prevents us from growing. Someone who constantly plays the victim. Victims become victimizers, though, and these people are dangerous: They keep us from feeling fulfilled. They keep us from living purpose-driven lives. Over time, these negative relationships become part of our identity—they define us, they become who we are.

If we’re unable to change a relationship, we should end it. If someone is only draining our life, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell them: “This relationship is no longer right for me, so I must move on.” We owe it to yourself to move on. Don't we?! We owe it to ourself to be happy in our relationships. We are in control. Maybe it is a way of mental declutter. Moving on is sometimes the only way to develop new, empowering relationships. Starting anew, empty-handed and full-hearted, you can build fresher, stronger, more supportive relationships—important relationships that allow you to have fun, be happy, and to contribute beyond yourself. These are the relationships we all need. Both people must do their part to grow the relationship—only then will both be satisfied with the relationship.

When I walked away from my old home around 7 years ago, some of "my friends" thought I was crazy and I will come back not even in a year's time. Even crazier when I said I wanted to cultivate my passion, pursue my dream: exploring different cultures. It’s all right, there’s no need to deny it now: save the apologies—I’m not looking for one. I heard the terrible things some of them said about me. Some said I was dumb, out of touch, too idealistic. I got told if people could just move on, then everyone would be doing it. But it’s evident now they were projecting their own fears and their jealousy. I don’t regret my step, my change in life: It all worked out and I learned a lot.  

But my real friends—although they may’ve not fully understood my decision at the time—supported me through the transition. Real support. They encouraged me, cheered me on, offered help when I needed it. It took this radical change to recognize my real friends. Without the facade of a big paycheck or an oversized house, I made new friends: people whose interests, values, and beliefs align with mine. Wonderful people who care about me for me, not for what’s printed on my business card. Thank you!

But still, every day you face people you just don't get on with. People who don't value your honesty, your kindness, not even your company. People who are rude to you and just disrespectful. But that's okay because with all the experience we made we will be able to filter these ones out and suddenly you can see the real friends. Let the shitty relationships go - that's a new task for me but again one step closer to a new lifestyle.

Stay tuned for the next blog. Until then ...

SLÀINTE MHATH

 

#staypositive #stayfocused #minimalism

Finding the right path in life with "Minimalism"

Are we to busy to be focused?

After my last blog post I questioned myself if I am really on the right path of my life. I mean, of course we all should ideally look after our diet so we become more healthy. We should do some sport to keep fit. But are we also really looking after ourselves, our mind, our feelings, our needs or do we just think we are? 

I noticed that I am always busy with trying to become better. And take a look around: everyone is multitasking. We’re doing more than we’ve ever done, attempting to fill every interstitial zone with more work. Every downtown scene is the same: heads tilted downward, faces lost in glowing screens, technology turning people into zombies.

We live in a busy world, one in which our value is often measured in productivity, efficiency, work rate, output, yield, GTD—the rat race. We are inundated with meetings and spreadsheets and status updates and rush-hour traffic and tweets and conference calls and travel time and text messages and reports and voicemails and multitasking and all the trappings of a busy life. Go, go, go. Busy, busy, busy.

Americans for example are working more hours than ever, but they are actually earning leas. Busy has become the new norm. If you’re not busy, especially in today’s workplace, you’re often thought of as lazy, unproductive, inefficient—a waste of space.

Henry David Thoreau said, “It is not enough to be busy. The question is: what are we busy about?” If I were to append his quandary, I’d say, “It is not enough to be busy. The question is: what are we focused on?”

There is a vast difference between being busy and being focused. The former involves the typical tropes of productivity: anything to keep our hands moving, to keep going, to keep the conveyer belt in motion. It is no coincidence we refer to mundane tasks as “busywork.” Busywork works well for factories, robots, and fascism, but not so great for anyone who’s attempting to do something worthwhile with their waking hours.

Being focused, on the other hand, involves attention, awareness, and intentionality. People will mistake the focused time for busyness because complete focus apes many of the same surface characteristics as busy: namely, the majority of my time is occupied. The difference: Being focused doesn’t allow to get as much accomplished as being busy; the total number of tasks to complete will go down over the years, although the significance of each undertaking will go up—way up. 

So that means that this year I’ll do only a few things: I'll make time for my sport, I'll be off hiking to explore the nature, I'll spend more time with the kids—but those efforts will receive all of me. This might not look good on a pie chart next to everyone who’s tallying their productivity metrics, but it certainly feels better than being busy just for the sake of being busy.

I am sure I will sometimes slip; sometimes I will fall back into the busy trap that has engulfed our culture. When I will do fall back I will make an effort to notice my slip-up, and then I course-correct until I’m once again focused on only the worthwhile aspects of life. It’s a constant battle, but it’s one worth fighting.

So from now on I will not be busy anymore - I will be focused!

#staypositive #stayfocused #minimalism