Your Past Does Not Equal Your Future

You needn’t be defined by your past. And certainly, your future does not have to look like your past, unless you allow it to.

Sure, certain parts of your past were great, but…

The popular kid isn’t necessarily popular now. The college quarterback doesn’t always make it to the NFL. The child actor often doesn’t make it to the big screen.

Conversely…

The high-school nerd became Bill Gates. The freshman bench-rider became Michael Jordan. The poverty-stricken, abused girl became Oprah. Sometimes the mighty fall, and sometimes the fallen embrace greatness. Sometimes you think you are not enough, but then you discover that you are more than enough.

If the past equaled the future, then your windshield would be of no use to you; you would simply drive your car with your eyes glued to the rearview. But driving this way—looking only behind you—is a surefire way to crash. Instead, it’s important to occasionally acknowledge your past—to check your rearview from time to time—while staying focused on the road in front of you.

We’ve all made mistakes and bad decisions in the past. We are all human. We can, however, take the lessons from those bad decisions and start a new future, starting with this moment. In fact, a more accurate snapshot of your potential future is the present moment. What you’re doing right now will shape your future far more than your past. And with every new moment comes a new present, a fresh start. Take advantage of this moment. Your future depends on it.

Slàinte mhath!

Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness, Neither Does Poverty

People have strange conceptions about money.

When we don’t have it, we often believe that money will make us happier. When we do have money, however, we tend to want more. The odd thing is that we all know, at least intellectually, that money won’t buy happiness. 

But unfortunately, we’ve been steeped in a culture so heavily mediated  that we’ve started believing the lies. The cars, the houses, with me the whisky collection - living the so-called Dream will make us happy. But of course this is not true. The opposite, however, is also not true. A life of poverty - a life of perpetual deprivation—isn’t joyous either.

You see, there’s nothing inherently wrong with money, just as there’s nothing innately wrong with material possessions or working a 9-to-5. We all need some stuff, and we all have to pay the bills, right? It’s just that when we put money and possessions first, we lose sight of our real priorities. We lose sight of life’s purpose.

A common mistake we tend to make is that we often assign money as our primary driver of happiness: If I make £X, then I’ll be happy. Once this happens though—once we earn £X - we quickly discover that the equation is broken. There is, after all, a reason why most lottery winners end up broke: bad habits. Besides, there are plenty of miserable millionaires and countless happy poor folks. A much better conductor of individual contentment, then, has little to do with money: our daily habits. Said another way, the outcome of better habits is more rewarding than your income will ever be. 

We have a much better chance of radically improving our happiness by just changing our habits—by forming new, empowering daily rituals. And we needn’t earn exorbitant amounts of cash to do so. High income or no, we must avoid passivity in favor of active, engaged, deliberate tasks. We must acknowledge our mistakes, make the right direction-changing decisions, and then take incremental actions each day. Over time, as we move further in the right direction, we’ll be able to wave at our bad habits in the rear-view, happy and content, driving toward a more meaningful horizon.

And so maybe getting some of the excess stuff out of the way - clearing the clutter from our lives - can help us all save money and make room for the most important things in life: health, relationships, growth, contribution, community.

This is all, of course, not as easy as it sounds. But, then again, it’s simpler than we may think. In this case... because money helps accentuate the most important things in life, but the size of our wallet is much less important once our priorities are in line with your beliefs, I will raise a dram of That Boutique-y Whisky Company (Bruichladdich, 15yrs, 420 bottles) tonight. 

  

Slàinte mhath.

35 Life Lessons From 35 Years

Soon I will turn 35 and during the journey I’ve learned a great deal. Following are 35 of the most important life lessons from my first 35 years on this planet.

1. We must love. You know the saying, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,” right? I know, we often dismiss cliches with a wave of the hand, but maybe it’s a truth so profound we can discuss it only with aphorisms. Yes, we must love, even if it breaks our hearts—because, unless we love, our lives will flash by.

2. Love isn’t enough. Although we must love, love is not enough to survive: we must take action to show others we care, to show them we love. Yes, love is a verb.

3. Happiness is not for sale. We can’t buy happiness, yet we search the aisles, shelves, and pages of eBay in search of something more, of something to fill the void. The stuff won’t make us happy, though—not in the long run, anyway. At best, material things will temporarily pacify us. At worst, they will ruin our lives: they will leave us empty, they will leave us depressed, and they will leave us even more alone—alone among a sea of trinkets. The truth is we are all going to die, and heaping our tombs with treasure will not save us from this fate.

4. Success is perspectival. I used to think I was successful because I had a six-figure job my friends and family could be proud of. I thought the house with too many bedrooms would make me look even more successful, as would the luxury car, the tailored suit, the expensive watch, the big screen TV, and all the trappings of the material world. I got it all, and I sure as hell didn’t feel successful. Instead, I felt successfool.

5. Make change a must. For the longest time, I knew I wanted to change: unhappy, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled, I knew I didn’t have freedom—not real freedom. The problem was I knew this intellectually, but not emotionally: I didn’t have the feeling in my gut that things must change. I knew they should change, but the change wasn’t a must for me, and thus it didn’t happen. A decision is not a real decision until it is a must, until you feel it on your nerve-endings, until you are compelled to take action. Once your shoulds have turned into musts, then you are ready for change.

6. The meaning of life. Giving is living. The best way to live a worthwhile life is simple: continuously grow as an individual and contribute to other people in a meaningful way. Growth and contribution: that’s the meaning of life.

7. Health is underestimated. Our well-being is more important than most of us treat it: without health, nothing else matters.

8. Sentimental items are less important. I have lost few imortant people in my life already. It was a difficult time in my life, but it helped me realize our memories aren’t in our things: our memories are inside us.

9. Your job is not your mission. At least it wasn’t for me, although I treated it like it was for the longest time. I worked so much that the rest of my life suffered. There’s nothing wrong with hard work, as long as it doesn’t get in the way of life’s more important areas: health, relationships, passion.

10. Finding your passion is important. Passion is not preexisting, which means you can cultivate a passion as long as you find something that aligns with your principles and desires.

11. Relationships matter. Every relationship—friendship, romantic, or otherwise—is a series of gives and takes. Every relationship has an Us box. For the relationship to work, both people must contribute to—and get something from—that Us box. If you just give but don’t get, you’ll feel used, exploited, taken advantage of; if you only take but don’t give, you’re a parasite, a freeloader, a bottom-feeder.

12. You don’t need everyone to like you. We all want to be loved—it’s a mammalian instinct—but you can’t value every relationship the same, and thus you can’t expect everyone to love you the same. Life doesn’t work that way. Julien Smith articulates this sentiment very well in his popular essay The Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck: “When people don’t like you, nothing actually happens. The world does not end. You don’t feel them breathing down your neck. In fact, the more you ignore them and just go about your business, the better off you are.”

13. Status is a misnomer. Similar to “success,” our culture places an extraordinary emphasis on material wealth as a sign of true wealth, and yet I know too many people of supposed “status” who are miserable. They don’t seem wealthy to me. One’s true worth is not determined by his or her net worth.

14. Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Competition breeds jealousy, although we often give it prettier labels like “competitive spirit,” “stick-to-itiveness,” or “ambition.” Jealousy is ugly, though: it is never a way to express that we care—it’s only a channel through which we broadcast our insecurities.

15. Everybody worships something. In his This Is Water commencement speech, fiction writer David Foster Wallace, said it best: “There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship.”

16. I am not the center of the universe. It’s difficult to think about the world from a perspective other than our own. We are always worried about what’s going on in our lives. What does my schedule look like today? What if I lose my job during the next round of layoffs? Why can’t I stop smoking? Why am I overweight? Why am I not happy with my life? We are strongly aware of everything connected to our lives, but we are only one ingredient in a much larger recipe.

17. Awareness is the most precious freedom. Minimalism is a tool to rid ourselves of excess in favor of a deliberate life: it is a tool to take a seemingly intricate and convoluted world, cluttered with its endless embellishments, and make it simpler, easier, realer. It is unimaginably hard to remain conscious, attentive, and aware. It is difficult not to fall back into a trance-like state, surrounded by the trappings and obstructions of the tiring world around us—but it is crucial to do so, for this is real freedom.

18. Be on the mountain. I use this term as a metaphor for living in the moment. When you climb to the peak, don’t immediately plan your descent. Enjoy the view. Be on the mountain. Just be.

19. We are scared for no reason. Just ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” We are often scared of things that don’t have a real effect on our lives (or that we can’t control, so we’re worrying for no reason).

20. Change is growth. We all want a different outcome, and yet most of us don’t want any change in our lives. Change equals uncertainty, and uncertainty equals discomfort, and discomfort isn’t fun. But when we learn to enjoy the process of change—when we chose to look at uncertainty as variety—then we get to reap all the rewards of change. That is how we grow.

21. Pretending to be perfect doesn’t make us perfect. I am not perfect, and I never will be. I make mistakes and bad decisions, and I fail at times. I stumble, I fall. I am human—a mixed bag, nuanced, the darkness and the light—as are you. And you are beautiful.

22. The past does not equal the future. My words are my words, and I can’t take them back. You can’t change the past, so it’s important to focus on the present. If the past equaled the future, then your windshield would be of no use to you: you would simply drive with your eyes glued to the rearview mirror. But driving this way—looking only behind you—is a sure-fire way to crash.

23. Pain can be useful, but not suffering. Pain lets us know something is wrong: it indicates we must change what we’re doing. Suffering, though, is a choice, and we can choose to stop suffering, to learn a lesson from the pain and move on with our lives.

24. Doubt kills. The person who stops you from doing everything you want to do, who stops you from being completely free, who stops you from being healthy, happy, and passionate—is you.

25. It’s okay to wait. Sometimes it’s okay to wait a little longer for something. Why rush if you don’t have to? Why not enjoy the journey?

26. Honesty is important. Honesty, at the most simple level, is telling the truth—not lying. It’s supremely important to be honest, and it’s hurtful when you’re not, but…

27. Openness is just as important as honesty. Openness is more complicated than honesty: openness involves being honest while painting an accurate picture, shooting straight, not misleading other people, and being real. Openness is far more subjective, and you must be honest with yourself before you can be open with others. This doesn’t mean you must put your entire life on display: some things are private, and that’s okay, too.

28. Getting people’s buy-in. Adding value to other people is the only way to get their buy-in. When I managed a large team of people, I constantly asked them questions like, “How did you add value this week?” I also asked that question of myself, and I would share with my team how I added value that week. That’s how I got their buy-in.

29. Hype is cancerous. So often we fall for the hype (“Buy More, Save More!” and “Three Day Sale!”), and we are suckered into rash buying decisions because of scarcity and a false sense of urgency. We can train ourselves, however, to not only resist such hype, but to have a vitriolic reaction to the hype—to elicit a response so off-putting that we avoid anything that’s hyped. When we’re aware of the world around us, we can willfully develop a hype allergy.

30. I’m still trying to figure it all out. I don’t intend to promulgate my views and opinions as some sort of maxims by which you should live your life. What works for me, may not work for you. Hell, sometimes it doesn’t even work for me.

31. It’s not about how people feel about you, but how you make them feel. From grade school on I was chubby and I had low self-esteem. I was very concerned with how I looked, and I was even more concerned with how people saw me. Unfortunately, looks have been amost everything for me: plus, I was constantly worried about hanging out with the cool kids. In fact, looking back on my friend choices, I remember blowing off some great people because they weren’t what I considered “cool.” Growing older has shown me the cool kids aren’t always the happy kids. I realized what people think about you isn’t nearly as important as how you make them feel.

32. Consider all advice. “Oh, if I knew then what I know now.” I can’t tell you how many times I heard that from my parents and grandparents growing up. Now, at age 34, I completely understand what they meant. It’s amazing how much smarter our parents appear as we we get older. In many instances, if I had listened to my parents’ and grandparents’ advice, I could have avoided learning lessons the hard way. When I realized this, I told myself that even if I didn’t agree with what someone was telling me, I would at least consider their advice. Thankfully, this has forced me to look into the mirror to consider what I must change.

33. Happiness comes from within. As we have written in our essays, letting our possessions define who we were quickly led to an empty feeling inside. We realized that happiness comes from within, not from the things we own.

34. You’ll never be happy with more until you’re happy with what you have currently. It’s as simple as that. In most cases, I discovered I usually don’t get rewarded in life with more until I appreciate what I have currently.

35. Forgiveness is incredibly important. I did a really good job holding grudges and keeping count of who wronged me. There is a profound saying in the bible: “Freely forgive others as you forgive yourself.” When I learned how to let things go and easily forgive others, I was a much happier person. In fact, I found the bigger the wrong I forgave, the better I felt.

I am sure there is a lot more to list but Life is always a laring curve so why not being alwas open minded for new lessons. One is for sure...Life is too short to worry too much. And there are also many more drams to experience...

Stay tuned!
Slàinte Mhath

Letting Go of Shitty Relationships

Some relationships are particularly pernicious. We often develop relationships out of convenience, without considering the traits necessary to build a successful bond with another person—important traits like unwavering support, shared trust, and loving encouragement. 

It’s easy to develop a connection with a co-worker, schoolmate, or someone who’s always there—even when they’re not adding any real value to our lives. It’s even easier to stay in those relationships: old relationships are comfortable, and starting new relationships is difficult. New relationships require work—but anything worth holding on to does. 

We’ve all held on to someone who didn’t deserve to be there, and most of us still have someone in our lives who continually drains us: Someone who doesn’t add value. Someone who isn’t supportive. Someone who takes and takes and takes without giving back. Someone who contributes very little, and prevents us from growing. Someone who constantly plays the victim. Victims become victimizers, though, and these people are dangerous: They keep us from feeling fulfilled. They keep us from living purpose-driven lives. Over time, these negative relationships become part of our identity—they define us, they become who we are.

If we’re unable to change a relationship, we should end it. If someone is only draining our life, it’s perfectly acceptable to tell them: “This relationship is no longer right for me, so I must move on.” We owe it to yourself to move on. Don't we?! We owe it to ourself to be happy in our relationships. We are in control. Maybe it is a way of mental declutter. Moving on is sometimes the only way to develop new, empowering relationships. Starting anew, empty-handed and full-hearted, you can build fresher, stronger, more supportive relationships—important relationships that allow you to have fun, be happy, and to contribute beyond yourself. These are the relationships we all need. Both people must do their part to grow the relationship—only then will both be satisfied with the relationship.

When I walked away from my old home around 7 years ago, some of "my friends" thought I was crazy and I will come back not even in a year's time. Even crazier when I said I wanted to cultivate my passion, pursue my dream: exploring different cultures. It’s all right, there’s no need to deny it now: save the apologies—I’m not looking for one. I heard the terrible things some of them said about me. Some said I was dumb, out of touch, too idealistic. I got told if people could just move on, then everyone would be doing it. But it’s evident now they were projecting their own fears and their jealousy. I don’t regret my step, my change in life: It all worked out and I learned a lot.  

But my real friends—although they may’ve not fully understood my decision at the time—supported me through the transition. Real support. They encouraged me, cheered me on, offered help when I needed it. It took this radical change to recognize my real friends. Without the facade of a big paycheck or an oversized house, I made new friends: people whose interests, values, and beliefs align with mine. Wonderful people who care about me for me, not for what’s printed on my business card. Thank you!

But still, every day you face people you just don't get on with. People who don't value your honesty, your kindness, not even your company. People who are rude to you and just disrespectful. But that's okay because with all the experience we made we will be able to filter these ones out and suddenly you can see the real friends. Let the shitty relationships go - that's a new task for me but again one step closer to a new lifestyle.

Stay tuned for the next blog. Until then ...

SLÀINTE MHATH

 

#staypositive #stayfocused #minimalism

Finding the right path in life with "Minimalism"

Are we to busy to be focused?

After my last blog post I questioned myself if I am really on the right path of my life. I mean, of course we all should ideally look after our diet so we become more healthy. We should do some sport to keep fit. But are we also really looking after ourselves, our mind, our feelings, our needs or do we just think we are? 

I noticed that I am always busy with trying to become better. And take a look around: everyone is multitasking. We’re doing more than we’ve ever done, attempting to fill every interstitial zone with more work. Every downtown scene is the same: heads tilted downward, faces lost in glowing screens, technology turning people into zombies.

We live in a busy world, one in which our value is often measured in productivity, efficiency, work rate, output, yield, GTD—the rat race. We are inundated with meetings and spreadsheets and status updates and rush-hour traffic and tweets and conference calls and travel time and text messages and reports and voicemails and multitasking and all the trappings of a busy life. Go, go, go. Busy, busy, busy.

Americans for example are working more hours than ever, but they are actually earning leas. Busy has become the new norm. If you’re not busy, especially in today’s workplace, you’re often thought of as lazy, unproductive, inefficient—a waste of space.

Henry David Thoreau said, “It is not enough to be busy. The question is: what are we busy about?” If I were to append his quandary, I’d say, “It is not enough to be busy. The question is: what are we focused on?”

There is a vast difference between being busy and being focused. The former involves the typical tropes of productivity: anything to keep our hands moving, to keep going, to keep the conveyer belt in motion. It is no coincidence we refer to mundane tasks as “busywork.” Busywork works well for factories, robots, and fascism, but not so great for anyone who’s attempting to do something worthwhile with their waking hours.

Being focused, on the other hand, involves attention, awareness, and intentionality. People will mistake the focused time for busyness because complete focus apes many of the same surface characteristics as busy: namely, the majority of my time is occupied. The difference: Being focused doesn’t allow to get as much accomplished as being busy; the total number of tasks to complete will go down over the years, although the significance of each undertaking will go up—way up. 

So that means that this year I’ll do only a few things: I'll make time for my sport, I'll be off hiking to explore the nature, I'll spend more time with the kids—but those efforts will receive all of me. This might not look good on a pie chart next to everyone who’s tallying their productivity metrics, but it certainly feels better than being busy just for the sake of being busy.

I am sure I will sometimes slip; sometimes I will fall back into the busy trap that has engulfed our culture. When I will do fall back I will make an effort to notice my slip-up, and then I course-correct until I’m once again focused on only the worthwhile aspects of life. It’s a constant battle, but it’s one worth fighting.

So from now on I will not be busy anymore - I will be focused!

#staypositive #stayfocused #minimalism

Sport A Bit Different

How I Change My Hobby "Sport"

I believe many of us experience changes in life and with that also certain focuses. We have new responsibilities and maybe a new job. Health is not that great anymore or you even suffer from an injury. Furthermore you become dull and tired. You can't be bothered anymore looking after your diet and you probably join your mates with a pint or two in a pub more often. After a while you noticed that you gained more weight and you are not that versatile anymore. All sounds familiar?

Believe it or not, but as a teenager I have been quite sporty. I had no doubt in going out for a run, no issues with stamina or even any thought about being overweight. Playing football in a team, cycling into the forest for a MTB ride, ... all that was quite normal. Even joining the marathon athlets at their training was on my list and I made it to a half marathon in 2006.

 

Well, that's the past. Looking into the present I actually started missing that feeling of being fit and healthy. Not worrying so much about fitness, stamina, muscles ache etc. and also eating healthy food. In my last Blogpost I mentioned already that I had always my New Year's Resolutions and it probably never worked out. 2 month after New Year I have been in my old habbits again. But for this time I promised myself to start getting fit, doing more sport and look after myself again. 

So I went back on my bike to climb up the hills here in Fife (Scotland). To get toned and also back to my fitness (in combination with a bit of a diet). And it felt great, I felt fresh and my mind got a new kick. I experienced even more the nature around here and also a couple of new areas. After a while I got even offered to give the road cycling a try. So I tried that as well.

I borrowed a bike and joined a group of experienced road cyclists. We went for a 40.5km (25.17miles) trip through the Kingdom of Fife and I learned a new pace. A complete new world for me since I never sat on a road bike before. Fantastic...I noticed that I even totally changed my hobby "sport".

However...this gave me another push and I also confirmation in my decision to undergo this transformation. Combined with a detoxication cure I can already feel that I am experiencing being a bit more uplifted and satisfied with myself. You start thinking much more often positive and I believe I shed already some pounds ;) Life started being good to me again and after all I can just recommend doing it since you feel so much better. If you reach that point you will also start looking up for opportunities regards changing the diet, eating more healthy and last but not least eating purposely. So did I...wait for what will come up.

Stay tuned for the next blog. Until then ...

SLÀINTE MHATH

Start Of MyBlog

The first personal blog post to share about experiences in my life, future plans and what happens around

Here we go, never thought I would ever do that. But it´s with like so many other things you aim for when it comes to the well known New Year´s Resolutions. We all know that... you have fantastic plans to live more healthy, to do better for yourself and change certain things. But after all you end up not doing it and this becomes a habit. However, this time I really want to make them become true.

But it´s not just all about the New Years Resolutions. I also want to share my experience with my hobby .... Single Malt Whisky. Since I live in heaven (...at least for Whisky Connoisseurs) I often have the chance to pop by another distillery, get to know quite a lot people from the industry or just drive mad about it and decide to buy a cask. But with all that I want to share my experiences and opinions, tasting notes, process etc. I am also in the process of setting up a Whisky Club called Wee Dram Fife which you can currently take part in first discussions on Facebook . If you are one of the lucky ones who is not addicted to this social media platform then just wait for the official website coming up very soon. We want to do tastings, sample swap, sales, distillery tours, holidays, gatherings etc. Here fore you might be well informed if you subscribe for this blog via RSS on the right side of this blog post

        ->

Furthermore I will take the opportunity to share about my experiences with my transformation regards food, sport and family arrangements. And with that I don´t mean "sharing my private life in detail" ... no of course not. But I aim to report (share) certain experiences I am going through so you will be able to get a bit of help if you try to find solutions for the same issue. Why not helping each other? I believe the world and it´s society is in a bad enough status.

You will think now "Right, and why he have to write a blog about that? His life is none of my business and I don´t really care!" ... and you might be right. But what if I can convince you that you might be interested in my future blog posts? I believe that some things can change your life like they will do change my one.

Stay tuned and see what will come up! Until then ...

SLÀINTE MHATH (which is scots gaelic and means "To your health")