Changes in the Rearview

Since quite a while I am looking around and speak with several people coming from different backgrounds. Wondering if everyone else is suffering from the same I came alway across the same question: How do I change my life? 

Let me highlight a story from Joshua to you, told from his own perspective, which inspires me quite a lot: 

"I spoke with a man in dire straits recently. This man, let’s call him John, laid before me many of his problems: A crumbling marriage. Massive debt. Low income. An unhealthy lifestyle. Peter was unhappy, depressed, and frustrated with where he was in life, so he asked me for my advice: he wanted to know how I had changed so many things in such a short period of time.

I explained to Peter that I didn’t have any advice for him. I told him he knew his situation better than I ever could, and he likely knew what to do. Then I asked what advice he’d give himself if he were in my shoes.

John spent the next fifteen minutes explaining, detail after detail, exactly what he would say to himself to fix his marriage, get out of debt, increase his income, and regain control of his health.

I smiled and said, “All that sounds like great advice! Too bad our own advice is the hardest pill to swallow.”

But, of course, he didn’t like his own advice because it was too gradual. Plus, his advice wasn’t easy: he had recommended only small, incremental changes that wouldn’t likely make a huge difference right away.

Instead, he wanted the magic pill—something that would radically change his life immediately. He wanted instant gratification, but his advice seemed so basic—so intuitive—that it couldn’t be what I did to change my life. And I obviously had the short cut with this whole minimalism thing, and he wanted my secret.

I told John that while I had no advice for him, I could tell him how I changed my life, and he could see whether any of those changes were applicable to his situation, and if they were, he could use my life as recipe, tweezing out the relevant ingredients to apply them to his own recipe for living. Then, for the next fifteen minutes, I simply echoed his advice back to him, changing a few details to make them fit my life.

You see, I didn’t have a magic strategy, either. It took me two long years to change my life—one small change at a time.

Two years ago, I was also unhappy, in debt, out of shape, and stuck.

It took me two years to pay off most of my debt and establish a minimalist budget. I focused on paying off one creditor at a time. I allocated every extra dollar to pay off my car. I sold my house and moved into an apartment. I got rid of any superfluous bills like cable TV Internet, and satalite radio.

It took me two years to get into the best shape of my life, exercising every day and completely changing my diet over time.

It took me two years to give less meaning to my physical possessions, focusing instead on important relationships, personal growth, and contribution.

It took me two years to get away from Corporate Life and pursue my passions. None of it happened over night. And it certainly wasn’t easy, but a lot can change in a year or two. I changed my life by focusing on small changes each day. I focused on those small changes one at a time, not on everything I wanted to change. And then, one day, I looked in the rearview mirror and everything was different."

You want to change? Let's get changes done, once a time.

Read also my last blog post about "The Things We Are Prepared to Walk Away From"

Cheerio & Slàinte mhath 

The Things We Are Prepared to Walk Away From

The year just started and I am usually not a big fan of these "New Year Solutions". However, for me 2018 is the year of changes. Happiness, success and satisfaction should become more focus rather letting stress, disappointments, depression, fear and anger overtake my life. As a business owner, partner and father of two kids it is most importantly to stay focused and let negative energies go.

After I wrote my last blog I started thinking what I was hoping to achieve in 2017 and what I actually approached. Many things have been successful Then I thought about the "WHY?" which I usually do when I have to analyze something. 

Note: Sakichi Toyoda, one of the fathers of the Japanese industrial revolution, developed the technique in the 1930s. He was an industrialist, inventor and founder of Toyota Industries. His method became popular in the 1970s, and Toyota still uses it to solve problems today. Toyota has a "go and see" philosophy. This means that its decision making is based on an in-depth understanding of what's actually happening on the shop floor, rather than on what someone in a boardroom thinks might be happening. The 5 Whys technique is true to this tradition, and it is most effective when the answers come from people who have hands-on experience of the process being examined. It is remarkably simple: when a problem occurs, you drill down to its root cause by asking "why?" five times. Then, when a counter-measure becomes apparent, you follow it through to prevent the issue from recurring.

 

But then I thought "What are you prepared to walk away from?" This oft-unasked question shapes one of the most important principles in my life. We are all familiar with the age-old theoretical situation in which our home is burning and we must grab only the things that’re most important to us. Of course, most of us would not dash into the inferno and reach for material things first—we’d ensure the safety of our loved ones and pets. Then, once they were safe, we’d grab only the irreplaceable things—photo albums, computer hard drives, family heirlooms. Everything else would be lost in the conflagration.

I tend to look at this situation a tad differently, though, taking the hypothetical a bit further:

There is a scene in Heat in which Neil McCauley (Robert De Niro) says, “Allow nothing in your life that you cannot walk out on in 30 seconds flat.” Although my life isn’t anything like McCauley’s (he’s the movie’s bad guy), I share his sentiment. Almost everything I bring into my life—material possessions, ideas, habits, and even relationships—I must be able to walk away from at a moment’s notice. Many of you will disagree with me because this ideology might sound crass or insensitive, but I’d like to posit that it is actually the opposite: our preparedness to walk away is the ultimate form of caring.

If I purchase new possessions, I need to make certain I don’t assign them too much meaning. Being able to walk away means I won’t ever get too attached to my belongings, and being unattached to stuff makes our lives tremendously flexible—filled with opportunity.

If I take on a new idea or habit, I do so because it has the potential to add value to my life. New ideas shape the future Me. Same goes for new habits. Over time my ideas change, improve, and expand, and my current habits get replaced by new habits that continue to help me grow. Our readiness to walk away from ideas or habits means we’re willing to grow—we’re willing to constantly pursue a better version of ourselves.

If I bring a new relationship into my world, I know I must earn their love, respect, and kindness. I also expect they, too, are willing to walk away should I not provide the support and understanding they require. This means we must both work hard to contribute to the relationship. We must communicate and remain cognizant of each other’s needs. And, above all, we must care. These fundaments—love, understanding, caring, communication—build trust, which builds stronger relationships in the long run. It sounds paradoxical, but our willingness to walk away actually strengthens our bond with others. And the opposite stance—being chained by obligation to a relationship — is disingenuous, a false loyalty birthed from pious placation.

There are obvious exceptions to this rule. There are certain things we cannot easily walk away from: a marriage, a business partnership, a job that pays the rent, a passion. The key is to have as few exceptions as possible.

Naturally, even these exceptions aren’t exceptions for everyone. Marriages often end, as do businesses. People get laid off, and passions change over time. Even though we might not be able to walk away from these things in “30 seconds flat,” we can ultimately walk away when these situations no longer add value to our lives (or worse, when they drain value from our lives).

Everything I allow into my life enters it deliberately. If my home was aflame, there’s nothing I own that can’t be replaced: All my photos are scanned. All my important files are backed up. And all my stuff has no real meaning. Similarly, I’m prepared to walk away from nearly anything—even my website, managing events, or planning tours — if need be. Doing so safeguards my continued growth and improves my relationships with others, both of which contribute to a fulfilling life, a life of meaning.

It was C.S. Lewis who, 50 years ago, eloquently said, “Don’t let your happiness depend on something you may lose.” In today’s material world, a world of fear-fueled clinging, his words seem more apropos than ever.

Bring on 2018, positive energy and also HAPPINESS