The year just started and I am usually not a big fan of these "New Year Solutions". However, for me 2018 is the year of changes. Happiness, success and satisfaction should become more focus rather letting stress, disappointments, depression, fear and anger overtake my life. As a business owner, partner and father of two kids it is most importantly to stay focused and let negative energies go.
After I wrote my last blog I started thinking what I was hoping to achieve in 2017 and what I actually approached. Many things have been successful Then I thought about the "WHY?" which I usually do when I have to analyze something.
Note: Sakichi Toyoda, one of the fathers of the Japanese industrial
revolution, developed the technique in the 1930s. He was an
industrialist, inventor and founder of Toyota Industries. His method
became popular in the 1970s, and Toyota still uses it to solve problems
today. Toyota has a "go and see" philosophy. This means that its decision
making is based on an in-depth understanding of what's actually
happening on the shop floor, rather than on what someone in a boardroom thinks might be happening. The 5 Whys technique is true to this tradition, and it is most
effective when the answers come from people who have hands-on experience
of the process being examined. It is remarkably simple: when a problem
occurs, you drill down to its root cause by asking "why?" five times.
Then, when a counter-measure becomes apparent, you follow it through to
prevent the issue from recurring.
But then I thought "What are you prepared to walk away from?" This oft-unasked question shapes one of the most important principles in my life. We are all familiar with the age-old theoretical situation in which
our home is burning and we must grab only the things that’re most
important to us. Of course, most of us would not dash into the inferno
and reach for material things first—we’d ensure the safety of our loved
ones and pets. Then, once they were safe, we’d grab only the
irreplaceable things—photo albums, computer hard drives, family
heirlooms. Everything else would be lost in the conflagration.
I tend to look at this situation a tad differently, though, taking the hypothetical a bit further:
There is a scene in Heat in which Neil McCauley (Robert De
Niro) says, “Allow nothing in your life that you cannot walk out on in
30 seconds flat.” Although my life isn’t anything like McCauley’s (he’s
the movie’s bad guy), I share his sentiment. Almost everything I bring
into my life—material possessions, ideas, habits, and even
relationships—I must be able to walk away from at a moment’s notice. Many of you will disagree with me because this ideology might sound
crass or insensitive, but I’d like to posit that it is actually the
opposite: our preparedness to walk away is the ultimate form of caring.
If I purchase new possessions, I need to make certain I don’t assign
them too much meaning. Being able to walk away means I won’t ever get
too attached to my belongings, and being unattached to stuff makes our
lives tremendously flexible—filled with opportunity.
If I take on a new idea or habit, I do so because it has the
potential to add value to my life. New ideas shape the future Me. Same
goes for new habits. Over time my ideas change, improve, and expand, and
my current habits get replaced by new habits that continue to help me
grow. Our readiness to walk away from ideas or habits means we’re
willing to grow—we’re willing to constantly pursue a better version of
ourselves.
If I bring a new relationship
into my world, I know I must earn their love, respect, and kindness. I
also expect they, too, are willing to walk away should I not provide the
support and understanding they require. This means we must both work
hard to contribute to the relationship. We must communicate and remain
cognizant of each other’s needs. And, above all, we must care. These
fundaments—love, understanding, caring, communication—build trust, which
builds stronger relationships in the long run. It sounds paradoxical,
but our willingness to walk away actually strengthens our bond with
others. And the opposite stance—being chained by obligation to a
relationship — is disingenuous, a false loyalty birthed from pious
placation.
There are obvious exceptions to this rule. There are certain things
we cannot easily walk away from: a marriage, a business partnership, a job that pays the rent, a passion. The key is to have as few exceptions as possible.
Naturally, even these exceptions aren’t exceptions for everyone. Marriages often end, as do businesses. People get laid off,
and passions change over time. Even though we might not be able to walk
away from these things in “30 seconds flat,” we can ultimately walk
away when these situations no longer add value to our lives (or worse, when they drain value from our lives).
Everything I allow into my life enters it deliberately. If my home
was aflame, there’s nothing I own that can’t be replaced: All my photos
are scanned. All my important files are backed up. And all my stuff has
no real meaning. Similarly, I’m prepared to walk away from nearly
anything—even my website, managing events,
or planning tours — if need be. Doing so safeguards my continued growth and
improves my relationships with others, both of which contribute to a
fulfilling life, a life of meaning.
It was C.S. Lewis who, 50 years ago, eloquently said, “Don’t let your
happiness depend on something you may lose.” In today’s material world,
a world of fear-fueled clinging, his words seem more apropos than ever.
Bring on 2018, positive energy and also HAPPINESS
